That moment when you realize you traded your sanity for…Your Children!
When you are lucky enough to have children, you give them your “all”. You commit fully. And doing that often means losing every ounce of sanity you may have had left.
It happens to each and every parent.
It’s a fair trade, though… your brain cells in return for these amazing little people.
Inevitably though, there is that moment when you realize they have sucked all the sanity, right out of your brain.
My first moment of awareness (and I have had many more since!) came when I sent my kindergartener to school in an adorable penguin nightgown… for “pajama day” at school. I had a baby at home who wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t sleeping. We had just moved from another state, and I was struggling to figure out everything going on at our new elementary school. I was trying very hard to fit in and meet new families and do everything “right”.
So when I got a note from my daughter’s kindergarten teacher saying THURSDAY, MARCH 3rd would be “Pajama Day” at school, I thought, “How fun”!
On Wednesday evening, my daughter and I picked out her favorite pajamas (the penguin nightgown was her choice). I took photos as she got on the bus, in her penguin nightgown and matching slippers! She looked so cute.
Fast-forward to the end of the school day. My daughter got off the bus and said (no, she yelled), “Mommy, guess what?”. “TOMORROW is pajama day. Not today”! Yep, I sent her to school in her nightgown. The poor kid walked around all day… class, recess, lunch… in her nightgown! NO! She must be wrong, I thought. I ran inside the house and found the letter and sure enough, it said, FRIDAY, MARCH 3rd! F*&K! (I actually yelled, “FUDGE!”).
That was the first moment I realized I had officially lost my mind. My kids had stolen every single brain cell left in my head. I knew WHY it happened… there was way too much swirling around inside my brain, and too little sleep, to actually remember it all.
I apologized to my daughter and together we picked out another pajama outfit for the next day. I was relieved she was just 5 years-old, and not any older because she was pretty unfazed. I am sure a 4th grader would’ve been completely traumatized by it. But thankfully my kindergartener said sweetly, “it’s okay Mommy, I was actually really comfy in my nightgown all day”.
And that was the moment I decided to embrace the insanity of motherhood. Why? Because I knew it would happen again. My brain cells would keep disappearing into those vast depths of parenthood.
But then, I had a revelation… My little sanity-suckers may have caused many of my brain cells to disappear, but they have also made my HEART grow 10 times in size.
And you know what? I consider that to be a very fair trade. ♥