LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER LIFE PARENTHOOD

Life With Too Many Dogs

Life with too many dogs – this week’s edition:

MONDAY: I woke up to a 12 pack of toilet paper, completely shredded in my living room.

TUESDAY: I took my dog’s “invisible fence collar”, aka “electric fence collar”, to get the battery replaced. The guy replaced it for me, handed it to me, and I said thank you and I began to walk out. ZZZZZZZap! I GOT ZAPPED/SHOCKED/FELL DOWN ON THE GROUND YELLING “MY ARM HURTS”. Yep… I’d call that Karma. Sorry doggies.

WEDNESDAY: My UPS delivery guy asks why my middle dog is wearing a diaper. “Don’t judge.” I say.

THURSDAY, While vacuuming my living room, I rolled the vacuum over unseen dog poop, and thus “shmooshed it” into my rug. I then spent the next 2 hours trying to take apart and clean my brand new (yes, brand new) vacuum.

TODAY. Time for a cocktail.

They’re cute, but crazy!

 

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LAUGHTER PARENTHOOD

MOM HAIR – It’s Not The Prettiest

The Evolution of My Hair:

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New Haven, CT – Circa 1980’s

Throughout my teens and 20’s, my hair was my favorite accessory.  I styled it for hours on end.  Crimped and spiral-curled to perfection.  Then well sprayed with Aqua Net, for a night out.  Can you tell I grew up in the `80’s?   My big hair was a thing of beauty.

Then I had kids.

And my brown turned to gray.  Nicely styled, turned messy.  And it’s been up in a ponytail ever since.  Or tucked under a baseball hat.

Once in a while, I try to blow-dry it like my hairdresser does and actually have pretty hair again… if just for a day  But those times are few and far between.  Usually, it’s just a pony-tail.  It’s the best I can do these days.

And although I love them a lot, I blame my kids for giving me MOM HAIR.

Because believe it or not, sometimes, I actually miss my big hair.

 

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

“You’re The Meanest Mom In The World!”

Moms, I have a question for you…  Have you ever been called “the meanest mom in the whole world”?

If your answer is “no”, consider yourself lucky.  But I have to tell you… it’s probably coming.

If you’re like me (and most moms), and your answer is “yes”, well then, welcome to the club.  According to my kids, I’m the “worst”, the “meanest”, and every so often I get, “you’re the most embarrassing mom ever”.mean-mom

It’s taken some tears, some reading of parenting books, and some enlisting advice from fellow mom friends, but I finally determined that it actually means I am doing a good job.  (Or at least I have convinced myself that’s what it means!).

Those “you’re the meanest mom” comments are only yelled when a mom makes a very smart parenting decision.  For example, lay out a rule that will stop your child from doing something that could hurt them. Or get them kidnapped. Or lead them down a bad path…  You get the point. Basically, it’s when you are doing your job and your kids just don’t like hearing the word “NO”, that they will tell you how “MEAN” you are.  It’s tough to hear, but it really means you care.

So I’d like to take a moment to remind every mom or dad out there who hears they are “THE WORST” today, to remember it probably means you are actually THE BEST.

And please, keep up the good work!

If you need some tips about how to piss off your kids, while truly helping them become awesome humans, then read this… it’s pretty accurate…

12 Ways To Be The Meanest Mom

#MomsRule  #DadsRule  #KidsAreTough

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LAUGHTER LIFE PARENTHOOD

Why I Don’t Answer The Phone

Friends and family sometime complain that I never answer my phone. There is a very simple reason why.

The short answer: BECAUSE I HAVE CHILDREN.

The long answer: BECAUSE I HAVE CHILDREN!

Read this mom’s explanation.  I love it because I feel the same.

She summed it up perfectly. Don’t expect me to answer the phone and have a QUIET conversation with you, if my kids are home.

Even though my kids are a little older than that mom’s kids, I can tell you that it NEVER CHANGES. The house is voicemailloud, the kids need me all the time, and I can’t hold a thought for more than 30 seconds.

A nice quiet conversation on the phone just doesn’t happen. The minute I pick up the phone, my kids desperately “need” me. Right that minute.

In addition to my kids, I also have 3 dogs (who all bark in unison every time a car drives by, or a squirrel climbs a tree, or a bird flies…). So even when the kids are at school, my dogs take over.

Common things yelled at my house are…

“Mom, where’s my sweatshirt?”

“MOMMMM-EEEEEE, I lost my train!!!!”

“Mommy, I pooped, come wipe my tushy”

“I’m Hungry”

“I’m Thirsty”

“I’m BORED!”

“MOMMY, the dog just threw up on the rug”

This is on a daily basis, whether I am speaking on the phone or not.  So I usually choose NOT to be on the phone.  Answering the phone and having an intelligent conversation doesn’t work so well.  Or end so well…  the promises I have made while “shushing” my kids, are ridiculous. “What? When did I say I’d buy you a TV for your room?” 

My other issue is having the callers complain that I am not focused on them.  UH, you’re right, I’m not!  I’m sorry but my kids want all of my attention.

So please, before you dial my number, understand that I probably won’t answer.  And just text me instead. Or email me.  I like email.  And if I do answer, please understand I may only be half listening.

♥ ♥ ♥

I’m just a mom trying to keep my sanity.

parenthoodstayingsane

 

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

Seriously, Just Go The F**k To Sleep

HONEST PARENTING MOMENT:

Most kids haven’t yet learned the full value of sleep. The important preciousness of catching your much needed zzzzzzz’s. So kids fight against going to sleep. Every single night.

I admit, I struggle with bedtime. I am home alone every evening with my kids and each night feels like the movie, “Groundhog Day”. I repeat the same routine every night.  I do baths, brush little teeth, read a couple books, say prayers… basically, I cover every single bedtime ritual those damn parenting books told me to.  Then kisses and hugs goodnight and I tiptoe down the stairs.

And every night, the minute my feet hit the bottom step, I hear, “MOMMMMMMMM-EEEEEEEEEE”.

“Yes?”, I call.

“I’m lonely”, the little voice upstairs says.

“It’s okay, I am right downstairs, don’t feel lonely, get some sleep”.

“Okay”, the cute little voice says. And I hear them hop in bed.

About 20 seconds later…. “MOMMMMMMMM-EEEEEEEEEEE”.

“I’m thirsty”

“I’m cold”

“I’m hot”

“I’m awake”

“I’m not tired”

“I’m hungry”

“I’m full”

“I’m scared”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FALL ASLEEP”

This happens every, single, night.

I stay calm and go back upstairs and soothe the child having trouble falling asleep.

But honestly, every single night, I really want to yell, “JUST GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!”  Admit it, every mom out there knows exactly how I feel!

So when I stumbled upon this awesome book-reading by actress Jennifer Garner, I was thrilled to discover I am not alone. I did a little research and discovered it’s actually a very popular book among parents…

 

“I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.”

“Lie the F**k down, my darling, and sleep”.

You have to watch this video if you haven’t already. I love it….

“Go the F**k to Sleep”, read by Jennifer Garner:

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Now I don’t feel so bad saying, PLEASE, kids, just GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!  lol

 

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aGoToSleepBIGMiddle

 

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Important Disclaimer:  I will not be reading this book TO my kids. But it does make me feel a lot better to know I am not the only mom who wants to!  ~Cindie

 

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS

The True Meaning Of The Holidays

Happy Hannukah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanza… However you celebrate the holidays, I wish you the happiest holiday with your family and friends!

I remember one holiday season, a very long time ago. I was driving out of the local mall’s parking lot on December 23rd.  Yes, too late to worry about shopping. I have since learned my lesson and wouldn’t attempt the mall after the 22nd!

The traffic and crowds that day were a nightmare. I was in my car and trying to turn left out of the parking lot, and not one single car let me turn. 15 minutes went by. I should add that it was in New Jersey, where I also once got chased by a Hummer-driving, baseball-bat wielding housewife.  I had made the “mistake” of beeping my car horn when the light turned green and I knew she didn’t see it turn. But she did move… to jump out and come running to my car with a baseball bat!  But that’s another story for another time….

The mall on that December 23rd… or as my son calls it – “Christmas Eve Eve”, was a zoo.  Not one person let me turn left.  Then suddenly, a nice lady waved to me. “Go ahead” she mouthed to me.  “THANK YOU”, I yelled.  Completely shocked and happy that out of 500 cars, there was actually one kind person who decided to let me out of the parking lot, I proceeded to pull out.

SCREEECH!……………  Horns beeped, Cars whizzed by, Middle fingers raised.  Okay, apparently, I shouldn’t merge into traffic on such a busy day. I was so flustered – one person let me out, then the next driver flipped me the bird. I was dumbfounded. Had they forgotten it’s the holidays? Good will to men, and all.  I think they forgot.

So I rolled down my window and yelled, REALLY LOUDLY,

“It’s Christmas, for God’s sake, BE NICE TO EACH OTHER”!

Then I laughed. I realized it had gotten to me too.  The stress, the holiday chaos. All of it. And the laughter was all I needed to be reminded there is so much more to the holidays than presents and stress.

Happy holidays to all my family and friends!  And, for God’s sake, please remember – BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!

xoxo

happy-holidays

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

16 Fun PG-Rated Ideas For Your Elf On The Shelf

Holiday season is officially here. Which means if you have children, your ELF has returned!

We’ve had an elf for the past 8 years. “Snowflake“. Named by my daughter when she was 2. Last year I lost Snowflake. I completely forgot where I had hidden him after the previous Christmas. I hunted and searched and just couldn’t find him.

So I decided to post on my town Facebook page, asking if anyone had an elf to spare. Luckily, a very nice mom replied. She said that just like me, she had lost their elf the year before and had to buy a new one, only to find the original one soon after. She offered theirs to me for free. I was so grateful since my kids were beginning to get very nervous about why the elf hadn’t returned yet.

So off I went… I picked up our new elf, hidden in a shopping bag on the other mom’s porch. I drove home feeling so happy. Planning in my head how he the elf would show up that night. Perfect!  Until, I opened the bag and discovered he had red hair and freckles and looked nothing like our elf, Snowflake. Nothing. UH OH.

So… I made up a story.  A good one. Our elf, Snowflake had an accident. He broke his leg and couldn’t fly. So Santa sent us his cousin, “Snowball“. And the kids bought the story. With not a single question.

But wait a minute….

How did this whole charade, meant solely to encourage good behavior in my kids, turn into me, the mom – LYING??????

I had no good answer to this.

In some ways, I love Elf. He does encourage the kids to behave well. In other ways, I think he is a ginormous pain in the BUTT. He drives me and most parents crazy.

So how I have decided to compensate for that, is I try to have some fun with him too. Rather than let the whole idea of the elf annoy me, he now entertains me. That’s my advice.. make the elf fun for you too.

Here are some fun (but yes, they are PG-rated) elf ideas…

 

1. This is what happens when Dad is in charge of the elf!

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2. SPLAT

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3. Just lounging.

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4. “Freeze – Don’t move!”

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5. Elfie, the Pimp.

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6.  No caption needed for this one.

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7. PARTY TIME!

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8. It was a rough night.

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9. “Argh, Matey”.

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10. What are you going to do now?

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11.  The cookies don’t look so tasty anymore.

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12. “Go home Elf, we don’t want you here!”

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13. Elf is a ladies’ man.

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14.  Elf on a hot date with Barbie.

Vh-Funny-Elf-on-a-Shelf-Christmas

 

15.  The Elf of doom and gloom.

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16. Remember, Elf can be VERY evil if you cross him.

bad elf on the shelf

 

P.S. By the way, I found “Snowflake” soon after “Snowball” showed up. How I explained that to my kids… is a whole other story!

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS

Jimmy Fallon’s Water War With Jake Gyllenhaal

It’s a simple, and fun concept.

Pick a card game…

Go Fish – Old Maid – War

Play one of those card games with a friend and add water to the face. The result is absolutely hilarious.

Here’s a video to put a smile on your face today. I’m still laughing. (Courtesy: YouTube)

 

Which games do you think would benefit from a “water to the face” version?  I can think of a few!

 

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS

14 Hilarious Halloween Costumes For Dogs (And One Cat)

Happy Halloween. It’s not just a holiday for kids. Everyone loves Halloween. Some people go overboard with decorating. Some people construct elaborate costumes. Others dress up their pets! I am an animal lover, so I preface this post with a sincere apology to all the dogs who have been stuffed into Halloween costumes against their will. But I will also say, they are pretty hilarious.

My kids and I had fun collecting our 14 favorite dogs in costumes. We added a bonus cat costume photo too!

 

#1 “Baaaaahhh”

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#2 Shaken, not stirred

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#3 Rah-Rah. Go Team!

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#4 “I pity da fool”

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#5 “Who are you laughing at?”

Dogcostume4

 

#6 “May the force be with you Luke Skywalker”

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#7  Oh my. This poor pup is really blue. It’s SMURF-tastic!

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#8 Oompa-Loompa doggie

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#9 This one is kind of sick, but pretty funny

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#10 Wally Walrus doesn’t look so happy

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#11 Touchdown!

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#12 Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia

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#13 Off to see the wizard. “Aunty Em, it’s a twister”

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And our favorite…

#14 It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s SUPER-PUP!

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BONUS: Something rarely tolerated… a cat in a costume!  Looking cool…

Catcostume

 

Happy Halloween!

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LAUGHTER LIFE PARENTHOOD

Is “Guarding The Bathroom Door” A Chore Worthy Of Payment?

I had a rare moment of privacy in the bathroom this morning. Rare because I was alone in a bathroom, for the first time in probably 9 years. Between the kids, the dogs, the cat, and the husband… I am never alone.

My peace and quiet lasted only a minute though, interrupted by an urgent banging on the door.

I said, “Yes? What’s the emergency?”

It was my son. He yelled that I owe him $1.

One dollar, huh? “For what?”, I asked.

“For doing a chore. I am leaving you alone in the bathroom, and not letting anyone else in. So since I am helping do something for you, I earn a dollar”, he explained.

“So can you pay me now?”, he said.

Hmmm. Pretty logical for a 6-year-old. Smart too. If I was able to choose my chores, I’m pretty sure I’d pick “guarding the bathroom door for mom”, over scrubbing toilets too!

This isn’t the first time he has tried choosing easy chores. Last week he overheard me asking where my phone was, and he ran and found it and brought it to me, completely excited. I said thank you to him and he stood there, like a bellhop waiting for a tip! He then actually asked for his $1 for his “chore”!

I should add that we have a good chore system. Each kid has regular weekly chores that are their responsibility for chores2being a part of the household. No pay is given for those. But once those are completed, I give them the option of doing additional chores to earn money. $1 for each. And as you might have noticed, my son has gotten slightly carried away with trying to find more chores to do to earn money!

I’m proud he is already an entrepreneur at such a young age. But it has made me realize we may need to go back and repeat our Chores 101 class because he missed part of the point.

I think he definitely understands the “earning” part but he may need a refresher on the definition of a “chore” part.

But hey, it seems like I am not alone…

momfunnychore

How do you handle kids’ chores in your home? Do your kids earn money for their chores?  I’d love to hear other moms’ systems for teaching kids about responsibility.

 

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