LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

Seriously, Just Go The F**k To Sleep

HONEST PARENTING MOMENT:

Most kids haven’t yet learned the full value of sleep. The important preciousness of catching your much needed zzzzzzz’s. So kids fight against going to sleep. Every single night.

I admit, I struggle with bedtime. I am home alone every evening with my kids and each night feels like the movie, “Groundhog Day”. I repeat the same routine every night.  I do baths, brush little teeth, read a couple books, say prayers… basically, I cover every single bedtime ritual those damn parenting books told me to.  Then kisses and hugs goodnight and I tiptoe down the stairs.

And every night, the minute my feet hit the bottom step, I hear, “MOMMMMMMMM-EEEEEEEEEE”.

“Yes?”, I call.

“I’m lonely”, the little voice upstairs says.

“It’s okay, I am right downstairs, don’t feel lonely, get some sleep”.

“Okay”, the cute little voice says. And I hear them hop in bed.

About 20 seconds later…. “MOMMMMMMMM-EEEEEEEEEEE”.

“I’m thirsty”

“I’m cold”

“I’m hot”

“I’m awake”

“I’m not tired”

“I’m hungry”

“I’m full”

“I’m scared”

“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FALL ASLEEP”

This happens every, single, night.

I stay calm and go back upstairs and soothe the child having trouble falling asleep.

But honestly, every single night, I really want to yell, “JUST GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!”  Admit it, every mom out there knows exactly how I feel!

So when I stumbled upon this awesome book-reading by actress Jennifer Garner, I was thrilled to discover I am not alone. I did a little research and discovered it’s actually a very popular book among parents…

 

“I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.”

“Lie the F**k down, my darling, and sleep”.

You have to watch this video if you haven’t already. I love it….

“Go the F**k to Sleep”, read by Jennifer Garner:

jennifer-garner-book

 

Now I don’t feel so bad saying, PLEASE, kids, just GO THE F**K TO SLEEP!  lol

 

Go_the_fuck_to_sleep

 

aGoToSleepBIGMiddle

 

gotheftosleep

 

Important Disclaimer:  I will not be reading this book TO my kids. But it does make me feel a lot better to know I am not the only mom who wants to!  ~Cindie

 

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS

The True Meaning Of The Holidays

Happy Hannukah, Merry Christmas, Joyous Kwanza… However you celebrate the holidays, I wish you the happiest holiday with your family and friends!

I remember one holiday season, a very long time ago. I was driving out of the local mall’s parking lot on December 23rd.  Yes, too late to worry about shopping. I have since learned my lesson and wouldn’t attempt the mall after the 22nd!

The traffic and crowds that day were a nightmare. I was in my car and trying to turn left out of the parking lot, and not one single car let me turn. 15 minutes went by. I should add that it was in New Jersey, where I also once got chased by a Hummer-driving, baseball-bat wielding housewife.  I had made the “mistake” of beeping my car horn when the light turned green and I knew she didn’t see it turn. But she did move… to jump out and come running to my car with a baseball bat!  But that’s another story for another time….

The mall on that December 23rd… or as my son calls it – “Christmas Eve Eve”, was a zoo.  Not one person let me turn left.  Then suddenly, a nice lady waved to me. “Go ahead” she mouthed to me.  “THANK YOU”, I yelled.  Completely shocked and happy that out of 500 cars, there was actually one kind person who decided to let me out of the parking lot, I proceeded to pull out.

SCREEECH!……………  Horns beeped, Cars whizzed by, Middle fingers raised.  Okay, apparently, I shouldn’t merge into traffic on such a busy day. I was so flustered – one person let me out, then the next driver flipped me the bird. I was dumbfounded. Had they forgotten it’s the holidays? Good will to men, and all.  I think they forgot.

So I rolled down my window and yelled, REALLY LOUDLY,

“It’s Christmas, for God’s sake, BE NICE TO EACH OTHER”!

Then I laughed. I realized it had gotten to me too.  The stress, the holiday chaos. All of it. And the laughter was all I needed to be reminded there is so much more to the holidays than presents and stress.

Happy holidays to all my family and friends!  And, for God’s sake, please remember – BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!

xoxo

happy-holidays

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

16 Fun PG-Rated Ideas For Your Elf On The Shelf

Holiday season is officially here. Which means if you have children, your ELF has returned!

We’ve had an elf for the past 8 years. “Snowflake“. Named by my daughter when she was 2. Last year I lost Snowflake. I completely forgot where I had hidden him after the previous Christmas. I hunted and searched and just couldn’t find him.

So I decided to post on my town Facebook page, asking if anyone had an elf to spare. Luckily, a very nice mom replied. She said that just like me, she had lost their elf the year before and had to buy a new one, only to find the original one soon after. She offered theirs to me for free. I was so grateful since my kids were beginning to get very nervous about why the elf hadn’t returned yet.

So off I went… I picked up our new elf, hidden in a shopping bag on the other mom’s porch. I drove home feeling so happy. Planning in my head how he the elf would show up that night. Perfect!  Until, I opened the bag and discovered he had red hair and freckles and looked nothing like our elf, Snowflake. Nothing. UH OH.

So… I made up a story.  A good one. Our elf, Snowflake had an accident. He broke his leg and couldn’t fly. So Santa sent us his cousin, “Snowball“. And the kids bought the story. With not a single question.

But wait a minute….

How did this whole charade, meant solely to encourage good behavior in my kids, turn into me, the mom – LYING??????

I had no good answer to this.

In some ways, I love Elf. He does encourage the kids to behave well. In other ways, I think he is a ginormous pain in the BUTT. He drives me and most parents crazy.

So how I have decided to compensate for that, is I try to have some fun with him too. Rather than let the whole idea of the elf annoy me, he now entertains me. That’s my advice.. make the elf fun for you too.

Here are some fun (but yes, they are PG-rated) elf ideas…

 

1. This is what happens when Dad is in charge of the elf!

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2. SPLAT

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3. Just lounging.

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4. “Freeze – Don’t move!”

elf1

 

5. Elfie, the Pimp.

Elf2

 

6.  No caption needed for this one.

elf4

 

7. PARTY TIME!

elfbeerfunnel

 

8. It was a rough night.

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9. “Argh, Matey”.

funny-elf-on-the-shelf-02

 

10. What are you going to do now?

funny-elf-on-the-shelf-03

 

11.  The cookies don’t look so tasty anymore.

funny-elf-on-the-shelf-08

 

12. “Go home Elf, we don’t want you here!”

Funny-Elf-on-the-Shelf-Ideas-89

 

13. Elf is a ladies’ man.

hugh-elf-ner

 

14.  Elf on a hot date with Barbie.

Vh-Funny-Elf-on-a-Shelf-Christmas

 

15.  The Elf of doom and gloom.

funny-elf-on-the-shelf-11

 

16. Remember, Elf can be VERY evil if you cross him.

bad elf on the shelf

 

P.S. By the way, I found “Snowflake” soon after “Snowball” showed up. How I explained that to my kids… is a whole other story!

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS

Jimmy Fallon’s Water War With Jake Gyllenhaal

It’s a simple, and fun concept.

Pick a card game…

Go Fish – Old Maid – War

Play one of those card games with a friend and add water to the face. The result is absolutely hilarious.

Here’s a video to put a smile on your face today. I’m still laughing. (Courtesy: YouTube)

 

Which games do you think would benefit from a “water to the face” version?  I can think of a few!

 

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LAUGHTER MISCELLANEOUS

14 Hilarious Halloween Costumes For Dogs (And One Cat)

Happy Halloween. It’s not just a holiday for kids. Everyone loves Halloween. Some people go overboard with decorating. Some people construct elaborate costumes. Others dress up their pets! I am an animal lover, so I preface this post with a sincere apology to all the dogs who have been stuffed into Halloween costumes against their will. But I will also say, they are pretty hilarious.

My kids and I had fun collecting our 14 favorite dogs in costumes. We added a bonus cat costume photo too!

 

#1 “Baaaaahhh”

DogCostume11

 

#2 Shaken, not stirred

Dogcostume15

 

#3 Rah-Rah. Go Team!

Dogcostume2

 

#4 “I pity da fool”

Dogcostume3

 

#5 “Who are you laughing at?”

Dogcostume4

 

#6 “May the force be with you Luke Skywalker”

Dogcostume5

 

#7  Oh my. This poor pup is really blue. It’s SMURF-tastic!

Dogcostume7

 

#8 Oompa-Loompa doggie

DogCostume9

 

#9 This one is kind of sick, but pretty funny

dogcostume13

 

#10 Wally Walrus doesn’t look so happy

DogCostume12

 

#11 Touchdown!

Dogcostume6

 

#12 Cha-Cha-Cha-Chia

DogCostume10

 

#13 Off to see the wizard. “Aunty Em, it’s a twister”

DogCostume1

 

And our favorite…

#14 It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s SUPER-PUP!

dogcostumes16

 

BONUS: Something rarely tolerated… a cat in a costume!  Looking cool…

Catcostume

 

Happy Halloween!

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LAUGHTER LIFE PARENTHOOD

Is “Guarding The Bathroom Door” A Chore Worthy Of Payment?

I had a rare moment of privacy in the bathroom this morning. Rare because I was alone in a bathroom, for the first time in probably 9 years. Between the kids, the dogs, the cat, and the husband… I am never alone.

My peace and quiet lasted only a minute though, interrupted by an urgent banging on the door.

I said, “Yes? What’s the emergency?”

It was my son. He yelled that I owe him $1.

One dollar, huh? “For what?”, I asked.

“For doing a chore. I am leaving you alone in the bathroom, and not letting anyone else in. So since I am helping do something for you, I earn a dollar”, he explained.

“So can you pay me now?”, he said.

Hmmm. Pretty logical for a 6-year-old. Smart too. If I was able to choose my chores, I’m pretty sure I’d pick “guarding the bathroom door for mom”, over scrubbing toilets too!

This isn’t the first time he has tried choosing easy chores. Last week he overheard me asking where my phone was, and he ran and found it and brought it to me, completely excited. I said thank you to him and he stood there, like a bellhop waiting for a tip! He then actually asked for his $1 for his “chore”!

I should add that we have a good chore system. Each kid has regular weekly chores that are their responsibility for chores2being a part of the household. No pay is given for those. But once those are completed, I give them the option of doing additional chores to earn money. $1 for each. And as you might have noticed, my son has gotten slightly carried away with trying to find more chores to do to earn money!

I’m proud he is already an entrepreneur at such a young age. But it has made me realize we may need to go back and repeat our Chores 101 class because he missed part of the point.

I think he definitely understands the “earning” part but he may need a refresher on the definition of a “chore” part.

But hey, it seems like I am not alone…

momfunnychore

How do you handle kids’ chores in your home? Do your kids earn money for their chores?  I’d love to hear other moms’ systems for teaching kids about responsibility.

 

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

How My TV Is Torturing Me. Hint: “Watch Me Whip / Watch Me Nae Nae”

I am being tortured by my television.

In my own house.

Tortured how, you might ask? By “Whipping” and “Nae, Nae’ing”. (Honestly, I’m not even sure what a Nae Nae is – I feel old).

I am sure I am not the only one totally sick of hearing the Silentó song called “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)”.

You must have heard this song by now. I actually liked the song for a brief moment. Very brief.

DWTS21-665x385

Photo Courtesy of ABC Television

Then the torture began. How?

First, ABC began using it for a Dancing With The Stars promo, which seems to air on ABC every 10 minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it at first. It’s sexy. And catchy. And fun.

I am a loyal Good Morning America, Shark Tank, and ABC Nightly News viewer. Also, Modern Family is a favorite show of mine too. Come to think of it, I may be watching too much TV.

Back to the subject… as fun as the commercial is, watching ABC as often as I watch means I hear “Watch me whip, watch me nae nae. Watch me, watch me, watch me…” all day long.

Honestly, it’s the type of song that only takes one time of hearing it, to be possessed all day long by having it replay in your head. But hearing it over and over began to drive me CRAZY.

IT GETS WORSE

As if ABC airing their promo constantly wasn’t bad enough, to torture me even further, someone at Nickelodeon had the awesome idea of creating their own version of it. FOR KIDS!

While ABC airs their promo of it every 10 minutes, Nickelodeon airs it every 5 minutes. Maybe every 4 minutes. ALL-THE-TIME.

The Nick version is even better than the DWTS one. Instead of professional dancers whipping and nae-nae’ing, it features all the Nick characters “whipping”, “bopping”, and the best part?  Doing “The Wee Wee Dance”. “Watch Me Whip, Watch Me Wee Wee…”. Look, the poor guy really has to wee!

 

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Photo Courtesy Nickelodeon & YouTube

 

Oh yes… they sing that!  Watching Silentó do the “Wee Wee Dance” is awesome.

If you don’t believe me, have a peek here. You can watch the entire Nick “Remix” of it. (I’m even laughing about the fact that they named it a “Remix” and look, SpongeBob has to WEE too!):

 

 

So now my kids are dancing and singing this ANNOYING song all around the house. As if they don’t yell “WATCH ME, WATCH ME, WATCH ME” often enough already. (Every parent out there knows what I mean). Now they are singing it at me!

I’m guilty too though… I caught myself singing it in the shower this morning. Then in the car. Also, while making lunch. At the grocery store. Walking the dog. UGH. The torture won’t stop. I’m possessed.

IT GETS EVEN WORSE!

Worse! Guess what? I am assuming the song wasn’t being aired on TV often ENOUGH because I just saw this BRAND NEW promo for DWTS, starring the one and only Gary Busey.

Please, if you haven’t seen this… watch now! It’s short and I promise you’ll thank me for the chuckle.

 

 

PLEASE MAKE THE TORTURE STOP!

Okay, this concludes my rant. Thanks for listening.

Now I’m off to Whip and Nae Nae. Or maybe just do WEE WEE.

Cindie

 

P.S. By the way, I am aware a great solution would be to just turn off the TV. But then how would I get anything done?  GMA, while I pack the kids’ lunches, SpongeBob for the kids while I cook dinner. Basically, I’m stuck with it. So I have made peace with it. We need the TV.

The good news is that the next annoying song is right around the corner.

 

 

TELL ME:

Which songs ANNOY you?  I’d love to hear so I can sing them all day long in my head again!

Some of my most annoying picks:

“Who Let The Dogs Out”

“What Did The Fox Say”

“I’m Too Sexy”

“Don’t Worry, Be Happy”

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

Selling a House Is No Easy Task For a Parent

Parents have many obstacles to overcome while traveling the crazy road of parenthood. One of my obstacles was when we put our house up for sale.

My obstacle was… my family.

Attempting to move from New Jersey to Connecticut, our first step was to put our NJ house up for sale.  At the time, I had 2 small kids… one was a baby, and the other was a toddler.

I should add that I also had a messy husband, a dog, and a cat.  And a realtor who came over and told me, “It would be great” if I could keep all the doggie nose prints off my window and the toys hidden. Oh and “Don’t be home when someone wants to look at the house”.

That may sound easy, but if you are a parent, you know it’s not.

I did my best to keep the house as neat as I could.

More importantly, I prayed that we would sell the house QUICKLY.

Soon after we listed the house, I received a phone call from my realtor, saying that a prospective buyer wanted to come look at our house… right now. “Is that okay?”, she asked.

Wanting to do everything I could to get our house sold, I answered, “Of course”.

But that was a lie!  It was so NOT okay. Both kids were napping, I was folding 3 baskets of laundry in my pajamas, the breakfast dishes were still out, and there were definitely a lot of doggie nose prints on my windows.

So I immediately went into frantic mom mode. All you moms and dads know that mode well!

I ran around the house hiding all evidence we lived there (as was recommended by our realtor as well).  Thinking back, I’m guessing she didn’t have kids because she clearly didn’t understand what it was like living with them!

kid-sleeping-on-couchI then raced to my toddler’s bedroom where she was sound asleep. I woke her up gently, explaining we had to go out. I brought her downstairs to our living room and plopped her on the couch. She was still half asleep.

I finished straightening up the house, then grabbed my dog and put her in the car. I also quietly picked up the baby, who was still asleep and put him in his car seat.

I checked my watch. The people would be here any minute…

So I lifted up my sleepy daughter from the couch to bring her out to the car, and…

OH NO!

There was a huge wet spot was on the couch.

In the chaos of waking her and putting her in a new spot… she had fallen back asleep and accidentally peed ON THE COUCH.

I can’t remember, but I may have begun to cry at that moment. Or maybe I just laughed loud in a hysterical sort of way.

But then I pulled myself together. I needed to do something.

First of all, it reeked like pee. So I changed my toddler, wiped the spot as best as I could, sprayed air freshener on the couch. Then I put a throw blanket on top of it. I hoped no one coming over would actually SIT on the couch!

Then we left.

Having nowhere to actually go, I drove aimlessly around the neighborhood with both kids who were groggy and crabby because I had woken them up. I drove for the whole very slow, long, hour. Not fun.

After an hour of driving in circles, I went back home. And as I pulled the car in the driveway, my cell phone rang.

It was my realtor… telling me that the prospective buyers had canceled!  No one had come to our house. She said, “I’m sorry, they may come tomorrow”.

So… I had scrambled around… for no reason!

The giant pee stain settled for an hour on my couch…. for no reason!

My kids were miserable… for no reason!

I was miserable… for no reason!

It was a tough lesson learned. But I learned it. From that moment on, I decided my house would remain as “lived-in” as it really was! No more added chaos needed! Babies, dogs, messy husbands and all. Take it or leave it. If you want to come look at my house, you’ll see it as it is.

And guess what? Our house sold in two short weeks. So I guess those doggie nose prints and couches full of pee-pee  and kids’ toys, were actually all okay!

Do you have house buying or selling story to share?

 

 

 

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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

How Moms Really Feel When Summer Is Over

Summer is over. Maybe not officially over, but at our house, it feels like summer has come to an end since school started this week.

I have mixed feelings about the summer coming to an end.

The good mom inside me feels sad that the endless, sunny days with my kids have come to an end until next summer. We had several fun adventures throughout the summer. We vacationed at a lake, an amusement park and family farm, and also took many day trips. We had beach fun, swimming at our town pool, visiting aquariums, museums, and playgrounds. Each adventure, big or small, included wonderful moments full of memories for years to come. I truly wish I could freeze those moments in time. I am aware of how quickly the time while my kids are young, is slipping away, and I am trying hard to hang onto these days.

On the other hand, I feel… dare I say? A sense of relief. Yes, there, I said it. Relief. A giant sigh may have escaped my lips when the kids drove away on the bus on their first day of school. I may have even said “PHEW, we made it” out-loud.

I am sure I am not the only mom feeling this way when summer ends. Because in-between each memorable, special moment, are another hundred moments of all the other crap! The endless bickering between the kids, the sassy-talking, the disagreements over what we were doing that day, the late nights with the kids awake, oh… and the numerous comments I really didn’t need to hear (while I was trying my best to have a fun summer)…

~ “I’m so BORED”

~ “No, I am NOT going to the pool today” (I know, it’s a tough life when the pool is a bad option of things to do!)

~ “This amusement park is the worst place ever… EVER… EVER!” (said after tickets costing $69 each had just been purchased).

~ “You’re a poopy-head”, “No you’re a poopy-head”, “No, I’m not, you are definitely a poopy-head”. (And me yelling a sentence I never thought I’d say, “THE NEXT PERSON TO SAY POOPY-HEAD GETS PUNISHED!”)

 

Add all of that to a mom who works-from-home, and is trying to juggle her work while her kids are home all summer, plus the mom has a painful foot injury… It equals an end of summer “YIPPEE”.

This perpetually exhausted, sibling-squabbling referee isn’t apologizing for feeling that way either. I love my kids dearly, but too much togetherness is never a good thing. And that goes for every relationship. Time apart is invaluable. Each summer, I am reminded of that again!

So on the first day of school this year, I admit I was a little teary-eyed watching the bus pull away, feeling sad our endless days have come to an end for the year. I was thinking about all the fun we had and wishing it wasn’t over.

But… I will also admit that I might have done a very small, tiny, yet very fun… HAPPY DANCE!

 

Any moms or dads out there feel like I do? I’d love to hear your end of the summer stories. Do you say “PHEW”, or are you sad it’s over?

 

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Find me and other fun blogs at these links:

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“Mrs.AOK,
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LAUGHTER LIFE MISCELLANEOUS PARENTHOOD

The Many Definitions of “Mother”

What is the definition of a “Mother”?

Is it a woman who gives birth to a child?

A female parent?

A woman who nurtures, encourages and loves unconditionally?

A woman who adopts a child and raises that child as her own?

A woman who marries into a family with children and raises them with love and guidance?

Yes, those are all definitions of “Mother”, “Mom”, “Mommy”, and “Mama”.

But the word “Mother” has several other meanings.

For instance, here are a couple of my favorite definitions:

mother

 

mother4

 

mother3

 

motherquote5

That one is a favorite of mine.

Once you are a mom, you get the honor of experiencing the never-ending public embarrassment that comes along with that title.

Pretty much on a daily basis I find myself hiding my face, slinking out of a store, sweating profusely in humiliation, or apologizing to everyone in sight. The list goes on and on.

Before children can talk, moms’ embarrassment is usually not the kids’ fault. It’s usually due to something like projectile pooping in public or screaming during an entire church service. Something the kids can’t avoid doing.

But once they can talk, the fun, I mean humiliation, increases tenfold.

SOME EXAMPLES

* I’ve had the color of my underwear announced in public.

* One of my kids once pointed to a woman at the library and said, “Oooh, look. She has a baby in her belly”… uh nope, she didn’t.

* One child announced at the grocery store that my boobs are “so fluffy”.

* At a restaurant, my other child asked me loudly whether the waitress was a boy or a girl (I should add it was while the waitress (not waiter), was standing right in front of us taking our order and turning very red).

* Another time, one kid saw a priest in town and asked him why he was wearing his bathrobe outside.

* My favorite… at a clothing store, one of my kids pointed to the lady next to me and said, “Mommy, look how giant her butt is!”.

O-M-G. – I literally ran out of the store that day. AFTER I mouthed “I’m SOOOOO sorry” to the lady with the giant butt (in my child’s defense, it actually was very large).

HANDLING THE HUMILIATION

Never in my life, before I had children, had I been subjected to such feelings of embarrassment on a daily basis. I became scared to go out in public with my kids, for fear of what they would say.

The only thing you can do as a mom is to give it a little time.

I promise it gets easier. Once the kids are old enough to reason with, they do understand the concept of saying things quietly. They also understand about saying only nice things out-loud.

But oh man. There are a few crazy years when whatever they are thinking, just comes pouring out of their mouths. They are full of honesty. They say what they think, whenever they think it. With no filter.

And that is a very tough time for moms.

HOW CAN STRANGERS HELP?

Next time you are somewhere and a kid points at you and says, “Hey, that lady’s hair looks like a bird’s nest!”, or “Mommy, is there a baby in her belly?”, please have sympathy for that kid’s mom! She is dying of embarrassment. Crumbling inside. Have some pity and tell her it’s okay.

She will really appreciate it.

I speak from experience.

THE BEST DEFINITION

All joking aside, the most accurate definition of “Mother” is this one:

mother2

 

It’s not always an easy title to live up to, but the rewards that come along with the humiliations, are well worth it!

♥ Cindie

 

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