Today I listened to my kids having a funny conversation about which kid has done more “YUCKY” things. It included comments like – “Well, you’re the one that ACTUALLY threw-up ON mommy”…. and “But YOU smeared poop everywhere”. It left me thinking that it’s pretty gross to be a mom.
The conversation brought up some crazy memories, which I am sure every mom can relate to. It also turned into a lot of laughs, and also a competition over which kid has done more disgusting things (that I have had to clean up!)
When I told my kids I wanted to share some of these, they yelled, “just don’t say who did what!”. So I promised to simply share them as…
“4 Disgusting things that have happened in our house”:
#1. A POTTY TRAINING DISASTER:
While in the throes of potty training, one kid refused to poop in a potty. Completely refused. One evening, while I was giving the other kid a bath, the one being potty trained, accidentally pooped in their undies. The accidental poop then slid down their leg onto the floor. So that pooper-kid attempted to quietly clean the poop themselves, by carrying it (yes, CARRYING IT), in their hands to the bathroom. The bathroom was located on the other side if the house. So that poop got smeared all along the way… walls, the floor (because it was dropped a few times), the bathroom door, the sink, the toilet seat, and oh yeah, also all over the kid.
I may have actually cried when I discovered the journey that poop made. Like sobbed.
#2. THE TIME I CAUGHT VOMIT IN MY HANDS:
There is nothing like seeing that look on your kid’s face & knowing they are about to throw up. It’s a full-on panic to keep it contained. If you can keep it contained, it means the difference between a “YUK” incident vs. a full day of cleaning incident. If a kid pukes in bed, or on a couch, or on a rug, or in a car… it’s a huge mess. Puking into a cute little garbage can, isn’t so bad. One day I saw THAT LOOK on my kid’s face. The kid was on the couch, holding my new Ipad. I panicked, knowing I didn’t have time to run to get a bucket. No garbage can was nearby. So I made the very regretful decision to CATCH IT WITH MY HANDS! Take a minute to visualize that. Sorry! But you may see where this is heading… my hands were no match. It ended up all over the iPad, the couch, the rug, the kid, and MY HANDS.
I may have actually washed my hands with bleach after that experience. My advice. Never use your hands!
#3. CREEPY BLOOD-SUCKING INSECTS:
This happened to both kids (thankfully at different times). The first time, it was a tick lodged into a kid’s armpit. My toddler yelled, “Mommy look, I’m growing hair under my arm!” Uh, no you’re not. As freaked out as I was, I got that sucker out.
The second time, after swimming in our lake, one of my kids yelled, “Look there’s a stick on me”. Uh, no… that is NOT a stick”. It was a leech. A LEECH! I not-so-calmly pulled the leech out & flushed him. I think I was screaming something about the HEEBIE JEEBIES.
I am pretty sure I had a huge glass of wine after each of those incidents.
#4. PROJECTILE VOMITING IN A CAR:
While I was driving home one day, one kid said, “Mama, no feel good”, and before I could even stop, that kid projectile vomited. We were one block from home, and I yelled, “TRY TO HOLD IT”. But that didn’t work. Let me describe the situation a little better. The kid was locked into their car seat, which was placed in the middle of the second row of the car. So the vomit ended up spraying all the way to the windshield, gear shift, and the back of my hair.
I may have spent the next hour or 2 gagging while hosing down my car.
This list can go on & on….
Plus some of the other incidents; like sniffing a chocolate stain on my kid’s shirt (but it wasn’t chocolate). Or the thousands of times I wiped fresh boogies with my hands, so other people didn’t see their snot running down their faces. Or the many times I have sat on a toilet seat, only to realize it was wet (think pee, not water)… I know you have all been there too.
Yep… Parenthood is rewarding, but also… SO disgusting.