Like most moms, I don’t need an alarm clock because every morning I get a specialty wake-up call. Reserved only for parents…It’s called “The Kid Alarm”.
WHAT IS A “KID ALARM”?
First, it’s different from a “Baby Alarm”. Every new parent has to readjust to waking up when their babies do. I struggled through that phase and it eventually turned me into a very light sleeper. Ever since the “Baby Alarm” days, I now hear every peep. Every snore. Every creak. If something wakes me up during the night, it’s hard for me to fall back to sleep. Which makes mornings even harder, for a non-morning person like me. I spent a couple of LONG years dreaming of a day when my kids would regularly sleep later than 6 AM. But instead, what happened was that once my kids started walking and talking, they could wake up as early as they wanted and come find me. And by “early”, I mean EARLY. So the “Baby Alarm” turned into the much worse “Kid Alarm”. In hindsight those baby years, when they were trapped in their cribs… well, those nights were easier.
SO WHAT DOES A KID ALARM SOUND LIKE?
Loud. Startling. Occasionally it makes me fall out of bed yelling, “I’M AWAKE, I’M AWAAAAAAKE!” And because it’s usually the first thing I hear each morning, it’s always “alarming”. No pun intended. Unless the dogs beat them to it (we have 3 dogs, so it’s a competition, but most days the kids win). Which means I am woken up by a sweet face (or 2), asking ridiculous questions, making very loud noises at me (“PIKA, PIKA, PIKA-CHUUUUUUUU-Squawk” – true story!), jumping on my head, or sometimes just continuously tapping on my forehead. Sort of like water-boarding. These wake-up calls are usually not a good way to start the day.
A while ago, I began writing down the different things said to me by my “kid alarm”. (Also known as “A perpetual pattern of ‘HOLY CRAP, IT’S MORNING & SOMEONE IS YELLING AT ME’ mornings).
I’m sure many of my fellow moms can relate, so I thought I’d share mine so you can all have a good chuckle…
P.S. I do realize that someday soon my kids will begin sleeping later and later, and I will actually miss these wake-up calls. But for now, I am trying to see the humor in them by embracing them and trying to laugh and not cry (at 5 AM).
Here is a sample of my recent morning “Kid Alarms” (unfortunately, these are all VERY real):
“Mommy, I lost my Thomas train, it’s somewhere in the toilet”.
“Mom, HELP! I can’t find my soccer cleats!” [at 6 am, and they aren’t needed until 3 days later]
“MOMMA? UH OH. I just stepped in something squooshy that smells like poop. It’s probably not poop. Or maybe it’s poop. What do you think it is? Smell it.”
“It’s so dark. Do you think the moon is sleeping too?” [at 3 am]
“How does the moon sleep? Does it have eyes that close? Or a bed? Mommy, how?” [at 3:30 am]
“Are you awake?” [as my eyelids get pulled open] “Because I see your eyeball, so I think you’re awake.”.”See, I told you you’re awake.” [AT 4 am]
“Where’s my iPad?”
“Where’s my iPad?”
“Where’s my iPad?”
“Momma, is it morning yet?” [at 4:30 am]
“Maaa-mmmmmm! I’m so hungry, I’m gonna STARVE” [at 5 am]
“YUK… a dog threw up in my room. What’s for breakfast? I’m hungry.”
“Wake up, wake up, wake up, WAAAAAAAA-KE UPPPPPPPPP” [that’s always a fun one to hear. I usually yell back “No, No, Nooooooooooo!”]
“Where’s my iPad?” (notice a pattern?)
“Mommy, I had a dream and there was a dog and a cat and a fish and a rabbit and they were talking to each other and they said hi, and they all had purple hair, and they were eating breakfast, and…. Mom? Mom??? MOM??? Did you fall back to sleep?” [Uh, yes… I did]
“Mommy, mom, momma, ma, mom, mommy, ma mommy, momma…” [and that continues until I speak. And trust me, you don’t want to know what I speak after that!].
“Where’s my iPad?” (OMG… I can’t even…)
So what do your morning moments look like? Comment below.
To anyone contemplating having children, a bonus is that you will not need an alarm clock for MANY, MANY years!