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LAUGHTER LIFE PARENTHOOD

Who Needs an Alarm Clock Anymore?

Like most moms, I don’t need an alarm clock because every morning I get a specialty wake-up call. Reserved only for parents…It’s called “The Kid Alarm”.

WHAT IS A “KID ALARM”?

First, it’s different from a “Baby Alarm”. Every new parent has to readjust to waking up when their babies do. I struggled through that phase and it eventually turned me into a very light sleeper.  Ever since the “Baby Alarm” days, I now hear every peep.  Every snore.  Every creak.  If something wakes me up during the night, it’s hard for me to fall back to sleep.  Which makes mornings even harder, for a non-morning person like me.  I spent a couple of LONG years dreaming of a day when my kids would regularly sleep later than 6 AM.  But instead, what happened was that once my kids started walking and talking, they could wake up as early as they wanted and come find me. And by “early”, I mean EARLY. So the “Baby Alarm” turned into the much worse “Kid Alarm”.  In hindsight those baby years, when they were trapped in their cribs… well, those nights were easier.

SO WHAT DOES A KID ALARM SOUND LIKE?

Loud. Startling. Occasionally it makes me fall out of bed yelling, “I’M AWAKE, I’M AWAAAAAAKE!”  And because it’s usually the first thing I hear each morning, it’s always “alarming”.  No pun intended.  Unless the dogs beat them to it (we have 3 dogs, so it’s a competition, but most days the kids win). Which means I am woken up by a sweet face (or 2), asking ridiculous questions, making very loud noises at me (“PIKA, PIKA, PIKA-CHUUUUUUUU-Squawk” – true story!), jumping on my head, or sometimes just continuously tapping on my forehead.  Sort of like water-boarding. These wake-up calls are usually not a good way to start the day.

A while ago, I began writing down the different things said to me by my “kid alarm”. (Also  known as “A perpetual pattern of ‘HOLY CRAP, IT’S MORNING & SOMEONE IS YELLING AT ME’ mornings).

I’m sure many of my fellow moms can relate, so I thought I’d share mine so you can all have a good chuckle…

P.S.  I do realize that someday soon my kids will begin sleeping later and later, and I will actually miss these wake-up calls.  But for now, I am trying to see the humor in them by embracing them and trying to laugh and not cry (at 5 AM).

 

Here is a sample of my recent morning “Kid Alarms” (unfortunately, these are all VERY real):

 

“Mommy, I lost my Thomas train, it’s somewhere in the toilet”.

“Mom, HELP!  I can’t find my soccer cleats!” [at 6 am, and they aren’t needed until 3 days later]

“MOMMA?  UH OH. I just stepped in something squooshy that smells like poop.  It’s probably not poop.  Or maybe it’s poop.  What do you think it is?  Smell it.”

“It’s so dark.  Do you think the moon is sleeping too?” [at 3 am]

“How does the moon sleep?  Does it have eyes that close?  Or a bed?  Mommy, how?” [at 3:30 am]

“Are you awake?” [as my eyelids get pulled open] “Because I see your eyeball, so I think you’re awake.”.”See, I told you you’re awake.” [AT 4 am]

“Where’s my iPad?”

“Where’s my iPad?”

“Where’s my iPad?”

“Momma, is it morning yet?” [at 4:30 am]

“Maaa-mmmmmm!  I’m so hungry, I’m gonna STARVE”  [at 5 am]

“YUK…  a dog threw up in my room. What’s for breakfast? I’m hungry.”

“Wake up, wake up, wake up, WAAAAAAAA-KE UPPPPPPPPP” [that’s always a fun one to hear.  I usually yell back “No, No, Nooooooooooo!”]

“Where’s my iPad?” (notice a pattern?)

“Mommy, I had a dream and there was a dog and a cat and a fish and a rabbit and they were talking to each other and they said hi, and they all had purple hair, and they were eating breakfast, and….   Mom? Mom??? MOM???  Did you fall back to sleep?” [Uh, yes… I did]

“Mommy, mom, momma, ma, mom, mommy, ma mommy, momma…” [and that continues until I speak. And trust me, you don’t want to know what I speak after that!].

“Where’s my iPad?”  (OMG… I can’t even…)

 

So what do your morning moments look like?  Comment below.

 

 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

To anyone contemplating having children, a bonus is that you will not need an alarm clock for MANY, MANY years!

 

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MISCELLANEOUS

A Letter To My Teen Self

I recently wrote a letter to my teenage self. Why? Because some days I miss the young me. (Some days I don’t at all!)  But on the days that I do, I often think about how the young me could have benefited from a little insight into what was to come. And a little guidance from the older, much wiser “me”, may have made some things a little easier.

So here goes…  my letter:

Dear Teenage Me,

You’re awesome, even if you don’t think so!  Here are important tips and advice from the older YOU…

Be Yourself:

As a teen, it’s so important to fit in. To keep up with everyone else. To be cool. But what’s actually cool is to be yourself.  There is no one else that is YOU.  If you like a shirt, wear it.  If you like a book, read it.  If you like music, dance to it.  If you want to laugh out loud, do it.  Don’t look around first to make sure others are laughing too.  Always remember there is only one YOU. That alone makes YOU cool.

Worry Less, Enjoy More:

Don’t worry so much. Life gets much harder and more complicated.  Anxiety is tough to avoid. So while you’re young, let others do the worrying and just try to enjoy simply being a kid. There will be plenty of things for you to worry about when you are older.

Embrace Your Youth:

Stay carefree, for as long as you can. Soon you will learn about responsibilities and mortgages and bills…  And from that moment on, you will never feel carefree again. So embrace it while you can.

Forget Fear:

Don’t be afraid.  If you want to ask a question, ask it. If you want to try something new, try it. Don’t limit yourself because of fear. This is the time in your life you can be extra brave and take a leap. So try new things. Welcome new experiences… it’s the perfect time in your life to discover what fits. When you get older, your responsibilities will stop you from taking those leaps. So take them now.

Don’t Wish To Grow Up Too Fast:

It may seem so appealing to be a grown-up because you can make your own decisions, but along with decisions come the consequences of those decisions. So don’t grow up too fast. Stay young and enjoy all the benefits youth gives you. The adults in your life will help you make tough decisions. Try hard to embrace their wisdom!

And most important:

Love Yourself:

You may not be your biggest fan right now, but one day, you will be. So try to listen to those around you who cheer you on. Pay attention to their encouragement. Listen to the positives and tune out the negatives.  Feel pride.  Forgive yourself for any mistakes you might make… you are human and mistakes are okay!  Mostly, try hard to love YOU!   Why?  Because you are amazing, and someday you’ll believe that.

Trust me!

LOVE,

Me/You (20 years in the future)  

 

 

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LAUGHTER PARENTHOOD

White Lies Moms Tell

Honesty is important. It’s a deal breaker for me. It’s essential for me to teach my children the importance of honesty. However… and this is a huge, however. My only exception for full honesty… is when parenthood calls for a simple white lie. There are times it is necessary. Innocent, but necessary.

I know all moms have told white lies to their kids. And I want them to know that they are not alone. So I decided to confess a few of mine…

#1  I hide my Swedish fish.

I eat them when the kids are in bed. I learned quickly that if my kids see my stash, it’s mayhem. Begging and pleading for just one Swedish fish. Then I end up with an empty bag. So now I hide them. And when they ask if there’s any candy in the house, I say “not that I can recall”.

#2  I call Tofu “cheese”.

When my kids were young, they both went through a phase of intense dislike of every type of meat.  It’s a texture thing, and pretty common.  I tried my best to get them to eat chicken, turkey, hamburgers, anything.  But they refused. Worried about them not getting enough protein, I finally resorted to alternating between scrambled eggs (which they did like), & “tofu cheese”.  They were cheese fans and thought it was just another type of cheese.  To this day, cubed tofu cheese is a yummy snack to them (I don’t get it, it’s tasteless! But I was happy to get some extra protein in them).  Thankfully the meat-free stage was short-lived for both of them, but the tofu “cheese” helped me get through it.

#3  I fib about what time it is.

Before my kids knew how to tell time, I occasionally fibbed about what time it was. Kids never want to go to bed. Those nights when they absolutely refused to head to bed?  Yep, I fibbed about it maybe being 7 pm, instead of 6 pm! Winter is a bonus because it is dark early, so they had no clue they were going to bed at 6 pm. Hey, don’t judge if you haven’t tried it.  It’s GREAT!

#4  I continued to fib about the time.

Once my kids learned to tell time, I actually resorted to changing some of the clocks in our house, specifically the ones in their bedrooms.  The only important tip is that you have to change the clock back before the morning or they will get up too early!

#5  I invented “the seatbelt police”.

My kids think “seatbelt police”.  There was a stage when they refused to buckle into their car seats. Or worse, they tried to unbuckle when I was driving. So I told them there are “seatbelt police”, who watch for kids that aren’t buckled, and they’ll get a ticket.  This isn’t really a lie because it IS a law.  And as any parent knows, kids are happier to behave for anyone besides their own parent!  I was so proud when I overheard my son tell his friend “make sure you buckle up or the seatbelt police will stop us”.

 

So sometimes I think it’s okay to fib.  Sometimes.

 

Share with us:  What white lies you have told your children?

 

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IN THE NEWS

Weird News: Mom Accused Of Driving Minivan With Son On Top

WEIRD NEWS:

File this one in the “bad choice” category!

A Florida mom was arrested after concerned on-lookers called the police to report she had driven with her 9-year old son, “holding down”, a recently purchased plastic pool, which was on the roof of her minivan!

“Officers who arrived on scene questioned Schmunk about her son’s alleged wild ride.  They said she admitted the boy had been on top of the minivan on the road…  She allegedly said she decided to put the pool on top of the minivan, but had no way to strap it down, so she had her child climb on the roof and hold it down while she drove”.

Police said Schmunk told them she thought her actions were “OK,” since her dad let her do things like that when she was nine.

WHAT THE WHAT?

Read the whole story here:

Mom Accused Of Driving Minivan With Son On Top

*This story originally appeared in the Huffington Post

 

THIS BRINGS UP A GOOD QUESTION:

What crazy things did your parents let you do back when you were young, that you’d NEVER let your own kids do?  Comment Below.

 

 

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